Why are you giving up????

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I have had it enough. I have 2-3 friends giving up..:(
I have given birth to 4 children..
I have miscarried one precious little one.
I have adopted Mia.
I am in the process of adopting Avah.

The toughest thing for me to experience in all that is that I miscarried. Last week when I had a friend lose her little girl beccause the foster family was adopting her. I told my husband she has to be feeling some of the same feelings as when I miscarried. My heart ached for her. ACHED!!!

My heart hurts for everyone who has waited so long….especially my friend Amy…since 12/2010. But what a graceful waiter…she is incredible! And she knows Parker will come home..she would wait forever.

THis sucks and this hurts….but if we give up on our children. If we turn our back and stop praying..thinking…fighting the fight to bring home our children….tell me….what feelings then will we live with forever….the feelings I bet some feel like our child’s birth mother felt. The feelings of I gave up on my child… you just gave him up for adoption…THE CHILDREN WE ARE WAITING ON….ARE IN LINE TO COME HOME!!!

THEY ARE IN LINE!!!!!! MEANING THEY WILL COME HOME!!! IF WE STOP THIS FIGHT….guess what…they get out of line. THey lose a family…they lose hope. They will probably not be rematched…because there are TONS of new babies already for the new moms and dads…so eagerly waiting to join that line!!!!!

I BEG YOU PLEASE FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD!!!! If we don’t…guess who has his stronghold on children in orphanages…without hope…without love…without a family.

When I am hurting and when I dont want to do something…when I am tired of waiting…when I recieve an MRI like I just recieved for my Avah…guess what……I sometimes feel like I shouldnt do it. BUT GUESS WHO ELSE MIGHT HAVE FELT THIS WAY…..Jesus Christ….I am sure that cross was heavy …I am sure the sweat was running down his face and into his eyes as he walked up that hill to Calvery to die on that cross ….as he carried that cross…he probably wanted to throw it down. Why would he want to adopt us? He had never seen us. But HE did….I cant even imagine what our updates to HIM look like!!

We must continue to fight this fight…because the Korean ministry certainly is not. If we stop fighting… Satan wins. Lets WIN THIS BATTLE!!!!! It is a spiritual battle!!!!!

We all need to call Satan out on this…!! He needs to get behind us….because we are all fighting this to the end!!

An Update:)

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So we have a new social worker….and she just sent an awesome update!!
Even some ‘lost’ test results from 2009 and 2010….
We also received her latest test results. :-/
Avah now weighs a whopping 28.9 pounds and is almost 37 inches tall! Wooohoo!!!
She is a little thing.
 Avah drew this picture. I LOVE IT!!!
 The social worker kept telling her to stop and smile for the camera!!
She is quite the poser!:)
 Notice her little pinky with her hot chocolate! Adorable!!!
I love her!!!
 Look at that smile!!
 She can blow her nose, wash her face, dress herself, brush her teeth like a mad woman, wash her hands…adorable!!!!
 Above…watching a little Pororo on an Iphone.:)
 Yes her social worker was having her work the camera!!

 Lots of singing and dancing!!! Like LOTS!!!! I love it!:)
We also found out she loves fried chicken, pizza and sweet candy. She loves singing and dancing…obviously.  She sometimes likes to show off and be the teacher’s pet a bit too eagerly. She talks to strangers when she rides on public transportation. She loves making things out of clay. She is interesed in arts and physical education but she is less interested in numbers and Korean alphabets. She sleeps well..but prefers her caretaker right beside her. Yes I think me and the little girls will need  a King size bed if I ever plan on sleeping again.:)
She is taking speech therapy but no longer has a speech problem. She loves speech therapy and all the activies in her group speech class.
I.CAN.NOT.WAIT.FOR.TRAVEL.CALL!!!!!<3<3<3<3

~Avah’s 2nd Care Package~

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I am guessing Avah has received or is about to receive her 1st care package, I am guessing it takes about 4 weeks for my agency to mail it to Korea, then SWS to mail it to Avah’s agency. I have been collecting for months for the perfect things to send her.


This package includes: an album, a cd of her family, hello kitty backpack full of all sorts of goodies for her and her friends, an outfit with matching bows, ballerina Jammie’s, pillowcase with her family on the pillowcase, hello kitty Squinkies, panties, all sorts of easter goodies, a purse, easter candy, hello kitty tooth paste and tooth brush.. What fun! I already have the next one done too… But I will post it later.:)

I pray little Avah enjoys!!! And please pray for little Avahs heart!!:):)

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Who would have thought???

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One year ago yesterday, we recieved Mia’s file from our agency.
I was driving Camye to dance class when the emails came. I was screaming and crying. 
Remember we had requested her file on December 3rd….and we were told no repeatedly….until basically my social worker was tired of asking and said fine…here you go!!!!
I handed Camye the phone…told her to watch the videos. We were trying to watch them. Kenny kept calling. I was crying….oh wait I am always crying. Anyway we decided there was no way we could sit through 2 hours of dance without seeing this file, videos and photos. So we went home..Kenny met me there and we fell in love!
We called our agency one year ago today. And said yes!!!
Of course, they said wait. Wait for another update….but I think my social worker knew. YES was our answer!!!!!
Who would of that? I would be waiting again. I had an idea.
I knew when we traveled to Korea, I had another child there. Most of my friends know, I tried to visit AMSA. I felt like she was there. I wasn’t sure who it was. But I knew there were 3 little girls there off the agencies list. It is so hard to tell from the little teeny outdated photos and little teeny outdated write ups on them. What are these little ones all about? It’s hard when they are 4 years old and the file says they are learning to walk. Well I have learned….they don’t update the older waiting children’s files….hardly ever. I was right my daughter was at AMSA. She has been there since she was 19 months old. She is gorgeous and smart. And she knows she has a family….
I think this is what is wrong with me. I feel like I have been fighting for my children for over a year. It hit me this morning when I looked at the calender. Adoption is not easy. Adoption is not always fun. But I do believe Adoption is always worth it. Worth it in the long run. Worth it.
I am sure when Jesus was lugging that massive wooden cross up that hill …so that he could hang on it and die….it might have crossed his mind to throw that cross off of him. He was tired….and it was sooo heavy. But the burden was light for what he was about to do for sinners…even a big ole sinner like me. I know my Jesus would do it again. And would I flip out, wait, beg, cry, rush and scream like I did in Mia’s adoption to get her home. IN A NEW YORK SECOND! I would.
So will I continue to fight, scream, cry, sob, bawl, whine, lose friends….to bring home Avah….OH YES I WILL.
So Avah Noelle….Momma is coming….she is renewed in spirit. She knows the answer is simply, not yet. Be still and know. I am trying.I know….I have always struggled with the be still part.

Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

“God’s promises are like stars; the darker the night the brighter they shine.”

~Back to the Living~

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Okay I decided on Thursday night I had to get back to living. I am living my life minute to minute waiting or just watching the Internet for some sort of news or movement from Korean ministry. I am feeling good about this coming week.
On Friday afternoon, we headed to my moms for the day and then on to my friends to stay the night. I only had my younger 4 kiddos with me, Chloe stayed home with her dad and had a friend over.
We stopped at my Mamaw and Papaw’s and had a wonderful visit!:)


Mia had to play with this fabulous crocheted baby doll… 😉


Mia loves Papaw!!:):)


And Papaw loves his little Mia!:)


Mamaw and Mia!:)


Mia trying out her skates!!:)


Mia went skating!! Now come on South Korea, who would have thought??


Now who would have thought.. That Mr Kent had such a special little bond with miss Mia!:) but have iPod… will bond!! Lol
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I am a spit fire..but you AIN’T see nothing yet!

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If you are still reading my blog…I am amazed. 
I am tired of me…I am not sure I am even can stand myself at this point.
People ask how are you doing? I get irritated. People don’t ask how I am doing? I am mad.
You don’t ask about Avah. I am mad. You do ask about Avah….I start hollering and sobbing and make everyone really uncomfortable. Yes I don’t like this AT.ALL.
I am so thankful for adoption friends. They are right now without a doubt …there.for.me. Why because they get it? I wish they didn’t get it. I wish there kids were home. 
I have one friend…the most graceful waiter I have known in this process. She has been waiting since December 2010. Yes you read that correctly. 12/2010!!! Yes, Mia came home 6/11 and we started Avah’s process in 7/11. She needs to get get her baby boy!! 
So many ask what is wrong with me? I am going to try to explain as simple as possibly….because well my face hurts. My heart hurts. 
Below..is a fabulous sign my friend made for her adopting friends. And in short, that is what I am doing…surviving. Because quite frankly I have thoughts I can not share publically.

I have several friends upset with me lately for not talking, calling, emailing, answering texts….I can’t. I just can’t. I have to Keep up with the ministries activities. I hang onto my phone until noon all day…just waiting..for a hope… a glimmer. I have conspiracy theories out my wazoo. I wont share….trust me. You would lock me up. I don’t even call and talk to my mother. I just can’t. I am a mess.
Okay so what in the world is taking so long? Good question. I do not know. Will they close? We have been promised that they are not closing.   SUPPOSEDLY, the ministry has stopped issuing EP’s  which are like Exit permits since pretty much last June. Korean adoption the smoothest international adoption in the world. The same country that let my daughter Mia home in 7 weeks…For what reason, …they are working on the law. They are working to”better” the life of orphans. ??

So let me just say this. I was called a spit fire mamma by a good friend today…guess what….SATAN…I am a spit fire. I promise you I will bring Avah home. Cora, Sarah, Paige, Simon, Maddox, Matthew, Griffin, Parker and many many other babies I know there mothers will come and get our children. SO Satan..you take that bit of information and high tail it out of our lives. You stay away from my daughter. You take your hold off of the ministry, because Jesus Christ is being called on to soften those men’s hearts every single hour of every single day. Satan you don’t stand a chance. I promise you….not only will I come and get my daughter and love her unconditionally. I will continue to adopt. I will continue to bring home my children. I know you may scoff at me…and put your demons against me and try to affect my children. You have your hold on them while in the orphanage, or you think you do? Well we are coming….Christians all over are being awakened. I only pray we can awake the sleeping giant, called our churches. We need sermons on the plight of adoption. People need to be preached and reached….and these children DO NOT need to wait and be treated as a political pawn. So I will not tolerate Satan…who is a liar and a deciever into my life. He will NOT take my Joy. He will NOT steal my daughet’s life. He will lose this battle. But the Almighty Lord will win this, I promise you HE WILL WIN THIS!!! 
Call me penecostal…Call me crazy…Call whatever you wish… I prefer to be a spit fire..I will not lose this battle. Avah will not lose this battle.