One year ago yesterday, we recieved Mia’s file from our agency.
I was driving Camye to dance class when the emails came. I was screaming and crying.
Remember we had requested her file on December 3rd….and we were told no repeatedly….until basically my social worker was tired of asking and said fine…here you go!!!!
I handed Camye the phone…told her to watch the videos. We were trying to watch them. Kenny kept calling. I was crying….oh wait I am always crying. Anyway we decided there was no way we could sit through 2 hours of dance without seeing this file, videos and photos. So we went home..Kenny met me there and we fell in love!
We called our agency one year ago today. And said yes!!!
Of course, they said wait. Wait for another update….but I think my social worker knew. YES was our answer!!!!!
Who would of that? I would be waiting again. I had an idea.
I knew when we traveled to Korea, I had another child there. Most of my friends know, I tried to visit AMSA. I felt like she was there. I wasn’t sure who it was. But I knew there were 3 little girls there off the agencies list. It is so hard to tell from the little teeny outdated photos and little teeny outdated write ups on them. What are these little ones all about? It’s hard when they are 4 years old and the file says they are learning to walk. Well I have learned….they don’t update the older waiting children’s files….hardly ever. I was right my daughter was at AMSA. She has been there since she was 19 months old. She is gorgeous and smart. And she knows she has a family….
I think this is what is wrong with me. I feel like I have been fighting for my children for over a year. It hit me this morning when I looked at the calender. Adoption is not easy. Adoption is not always fun. But I do believe Adoption is always worth it. Worth it in the long run. Worth it.
I am sure when Jesus was lugging that massive wooden cross up that hill …so that he could hang on it and die….it might have crossed his mind to throw that cross off of him. He was tired….and it was sooo heavy. But the burden was light for what he was about to do for sinners…even a big ole sinner like me. I know my Jesus would do it again. And would I flip out, wait, beg, cry, rush and scream like I did in Mia’s adoption to get her home. IN A NEW YORK SECOND! I would.
So will I continue to fight, scream, cry, sob, bawl, whine, lose friends….to bring home Avah….OH YES I WILL.
So Avah Noelle….Momma is coming….she is renewed in spirit. She knows the answer is simply, not yet. Be still and know. I am trying.I know….I have always struggled with the be still part.