~Six months Today~

Today is exactly six months, since we have told our agency yes to our precious little girl. We don’t even have our Homestudy to Korea yet, we will be sending by the end of January. 

I always remember asking my mom who she loved more me or my brothers. She always answered that she loved us all the same but differently. I never knew what this meant until I had kids. Even though our little Avah isnt home, I cant tell you how my arms ache to hold this precious little girl. I am thankful for all of my children. I am enjoying Mia being home, Chloe being 15 ½, Blake being 12, Camye being 11 and Paul being a precious little 6 ½. However my heart still aches for Avah to be home.with us. I wont even plan a trip to Disney in September because I am afraid Avah will not be home by then. We can always go to Disney next year.
Anyways as you can probably imagine..every thing..every song…every comment..every little girls outfit….every TV show…every Korean thing…I mean every every thing!!!

So I am helping the kids at our church make this video to the song ~Total Eclipse of the Heart~! So you can only imagine..this is a pretty intense song. Mia has it memorized, the teens are singing it all the time. And all I can think of is Avah….so here are my thoughts.

Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round.
Yes it feels like she may never come home…
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.
So tired of my tears…I not only cry for my Avah but for my friends who are stuck in this waiting mess.
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by.
But then I realize they havent all gone by, and the best of all the years are to be when we are together as a family.
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.
I will be honest sometimes I think other countries seem easier, another agency wont be as picky, another agency would let me move quicker…another country would be …well easier to work with…but when I look into those eyes. Be still my heart. You deserve a mother who would wait an eternity for you and that I will. If they called tomorrow and said you couldn’t come home until you were 17 years old. I would say okay. I wouldn’t like it. But you are mine and I would wait forever for you.
Turn around, bright eyes Every now and then I fall apart Turn around, bright eyes.
Every now and then I fall apart.
More often than not lately….
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild.
Oh yes…wild like a Travel Call before April. That’s a little on the wild side.
Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms.
Yes…I am a child laying in the arms of Jesus waiting…waiting…but as much as I want to whine and cry about how long I have been waiting like 6 months. One could seriously ask…where have you been? Because she was born over 4 years ago..and its not like I have been waiting around that long. My answer to anyone if my travel call may come before others is this…she has been waiting for 4 years. This isn’t about me…this is about a little girl, without parents, and significant special needs.
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry.
Yes I sat and cried my eyes out and even ate McDonalds fries the other night in my van. There I said it, I have no shame.
And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you only hold me tight We’ll be holding on forever.
 I can not wait for our forever family day.
I will not let go and will hold on tight forever.And we’ll only be making it right ‘Cause we’ll never be wrong.
Adopting a child could never be wrong, it may not be easy or inexpensive but never wrong.
Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparksI really need you tonight Forever’s gonna to start tonight Forever’s gonna to start tonight.
I feel this urgency all of the time to rush to her. To get to her. I am desperately wanting her to know she has a family. I want Avah to have hope.
Once upon a time I was falling in love Now I’m only falling apart, There’s nothing I can do. A total eclipse of the heart. Once upon a time there was light in my life But now there’s only love in the dark Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart.
I have to say…the blissful months right after you accept your child’s referral….you know…she is going come home. You know when the country you are adopting from is running smoothly and then wait..oh…wait a minute…changes..changes..changes..and you want to scream. And you feel this shadow stealing your joy….and you know it can only be one thing. Satan….he doesn’t want me to bring Avah home. He knows he has a hold on her in this orphanage and the orphanage she would be moved too. However he will lose his grip…because she will have hope and a family, that will teach her how much Jesus loves her.
Turnaround, every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you Turnaround, every now and then I know there’s nothing any better, there’s nothing that I just wouldn’t do
And WE  will prevail, I will wait however long it takes…I will travel and fight for you until the day you come home. I will love you forever. I will love you for always.

3 thoughts on “~Six months Today~

  1. Boy do I know all of those thoughts and feelings all too well. The waiting is so hard. God is bringing them home. I keep reminding myself that the cost (the money nor the horrible hurt of waiting) is anything in compared with the cost that God paid to adopt me into His family. We are His! He loved these kids before we knew they existed. Your baby girl and my 5 Blessings will be home soon. God will see to it! 🙂

  2. Yes they will be home!!! I know they all will!! Praying for 5 blessings!!! I also know my waiting is nothin compared to your waiting! I know where Avah is, is a good place.:)

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